Grounded in purpose, Stuck in Reverse

Warning: This post is confusing. If you expect to understand it… you may need to read it more than once.

A person can think about something several different ways. They can say to themselves: “This is why I choose to do A or B.” It takes a deeper level of consciousness to realize that all the purpose in the world will not change your feelings. Especially, if those feelings are deeper than the largest river. Feelings and the emotions that elicit them are so powerful, that long after we’ve discover why we do something, we still find ourselves asking more questions about why we did it. The bottom line is: Feelings often linger, and sometimes purpose is not enough.

One can say: My purpose is what grounds me.

Logically, this phrase sounds awesome on paper. One can believe that if I just hold on to my purpose, life will work out fine. I will be able to sustain myself. When we denote the etymology of purpose, we find that it comes from a french word meaning “design”. In Latin, it means to put forth. The English speaking world knows purpose as “intent”. It seems rather simple, in theory. What happens to us if time and time again we put forth the best intentions, only to find that our intentions are either misconstrued or invalidated? Usually, we become so full of unexpressed emotion… that we begin to logically see things in a way, that does not leave the room for truly expressing our feelings.

Talking through about our feelings and actually expressing them are NOT the same. There’s a difference between saying: I am upset… and actually expressing the anger that one feels when another person has made them upset. Even as I type these words, I am aware that words expressed are not “feeling”. These words are still just “ideas”.

By design, much of “purpose” is logical. Why is that? It is because “purpose” and “intent” are all about a goal. Think about it. If the goal of an office is to be “productive”. The idea of productivity does not necessarily include how we feel about the work we have done. The productive part is simply to reach the goal in the time allotted to perform the task. It does not account for the morale of the team that is working. It does not account for the interpersonal conversation that take place in the workroom. It does not account for the personality differences that may exist between co-workers. Workers are simply asked to “produce” the product. Reaching the goal is being productive. Purpose also fails to zero in on whether or not the people producing actually have a passion for the job they are doing.

Goals relate to behavior. If the goal of life is good behavior then feelings are not goals. We don’t do something kind to elicit behavior. We can fool ourselves and think this is true. However, humans are never that agonizingly simple. Sometimes we do something kind because of the feeling we get after that something has been done. Feelings are the antithesis of purpose. They are so weird and complex that they often cannot always be explained.

Example: Of course, I can read a book for the purpose of learning about the writer who wrote the book. I can also examine this book and many of the author’s other books, for persistent themes that are the signature of the writer. However, if the writer of these books elicits feelings from me, I may continue to read the writer’s books because I am moved by the feelings that these books give to me. Being moved by this literature for a plethora of reasons is awesome. Furthermore, I can attempt to share the reason why I prefer this writer. Until the person I share my experience with can FEEL the feelings I have felt about the literature, there is a strong chance that the other person’s understanding of why I read these books, is just “a design” and not a “journey”.

Feelings linger… and they are a journey. We cannot design or intend our emotions. Emotions just are a part of our humanity. The job we face is to MINE our feelings and find out where they come from. We must dig up our feelings regularly and understand that they are very much apart of who and what we are.

We can choose a friend, because we “FEEL” the need to be their helper. That is something we cannot logic our way through. Feelings are not grounded in “reason” for if they were all about reason…we’d be computers instead of human beings. Logical conclusions are not spirit-based. Logic is a tool that that only clarifies the spirit.One can’t reason away depression. It just is… For if depression were solved with logic … it would not take a decade to treat. Humans would be able to patch and upgrade their brains and the sickness would cease to be. We can get comfortable with grief. We can spend years grieving the differing values of those we love. We can believe that if the person we love is not changing, we deserve not to change.

We can spend a lifetime choosing to accept a person who hurts our spirit more than they could hurt our finances. Feelings left unresolved BIND US UP.  However, feelings are changeable. We can’t make people change how they feel even if we are the kindest and best behaved person in the world. If a person changes a behavior, it’s because they made a choice for themselves. Of course, we can INFLUENCE their choice. That’s what purpose does.Purpose cannot over-rule feelings. Purpose just understands them. Purpose can not put the answer into a person.

Purpose only lights the road to the answers. Finally, purpose cannot save a dying relationship… purpose only shows you the reasons the relationship is dying. The feelings are actually what make you LEAVE the relationship. When you’re sick of feeling betrayed… when you’re sick of being disrespected, when you’re sick of always being the one that cleans up the mess… FEELINGS will help you know when you’ve had all you can take. Purpose will say: I have been consistently doing everything that is necessary. Your feelings and heart will say: Not only do I deserve better… I will leave this relationship, because I am tired of wasting my gifts on the wrong person. Purpose will help you be consistent… but your feelings will help validate if being consistent is worth it.






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