On repeat for the past several months has been “Wasted”, a track by the goofy, zany Australian duo, Peking Duk.

Maybe, the groove takes me back to Steve Winwood’s “Valerie” which I believe was totally planned. Maybe I have not been love-drunk about a crush in a long while and this song is catch-up for that high school lover I never had.

It’s not like I was about to crush on any person. I think everyone was either too stuck up, or I was too self-conscious.

“Wasted” is a one-time affair but there’s something very Lady Gaga “Edge of Glory-ish” about it all. It’s playing as I write right now, and I’m sitting at my desk inserting Gaga’s refrain “Tonight yeah, baby” at specific breaks within the bass line.

“After all that I give you just won’t let me in.”

When you have Cerebral Palsy like I do, you’re used to doors slamming in your face. You can’t go to LSU to major in Business, we don’t like your G.P.A.

You can’t drive a car, we are too scared you’ll kill yourself. You cannot do what other people do because we are SURE you’re mental. Even after two degrees, the perception is still he’s a “wasted” dreamer.

You give these people all your hard efforts and they still won’t let you in.

Rejection. You get that no matter how you slice it. And maybe the rejection is a bit more difficult if you’ve been conditioned to expect it way too young. I’m so used to being wasted, “I want to move ahead”

I’ve bloodied my knuckles on the door to progress. And I’m used to no one giving a damn. It’s so bad sometimes that I’ll push away the only person actually trying to un-waste my effort.

People move on and you face your own hell—-alone.

If you watch the video for “Wasted” you’ll see what I mean. A guy is perched on the street, starstruck from a “wasted” night on the town. And before long he joins his fellow wasted friend. They dance and jaunt over to the backdoor of the joint and go in ready to swing. Cue the random shots of whiskey and the dazed expressions on their faces.

Drunk beyond belief they were. And they want to do it all again. That’s what control freaks and bullies are good at—making you get happy about the prospect about being “wasted” again. The song is simply talking about a girl or guy getting sloshed to uptick some sexual jollies.

People are like this, and it doesn’t have to be sexual. We’re attracted to their minds because they are so challenging. And it’s funny at first because we’ll do them good.

But they want an “easy love”, not true connection. You’re the flavor of the month, not the forever friend.

When time is wasted, the people you dance with leave you wasted on the street just like these guys. And who cares if you ever learn to dance by yourself. Doing that has been difficult for me lately. But you can learn to love yourself. But you have to let yourself by really naked. And the people who waste you don’t want you naked because they are doing their best to cover you up. That only makes the pain worse when you finally face it without anesthetic.

My advice: Waste time loving yourself because Jesus already paid for the broken hearted. People think they have to die again to prove the worth of Christ. They don’t. Be careful who you get naked with, some people want you naked so they can put their clothes on you. And what a wasted life if nothing you’ve done is because you wanted to do it. Sometimes the edge of glory is breaking glass and then putting your feet into the glass, to understand why the glass was there. Tragedy is not a waste. The house of mourning isn’t all doom and gloom. I got wasted but I keep dreaming…

And with the dream, love isn’t easy. Like the guys in the video, If I’m left out in the street, I’m not going to die. If I open my eyes, I’ll re-write the story.

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